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One in millions stars

I Need Your Love That Brings Tears to My Eyes

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Title: Insa
Pairing: yunjae
Genre: PG13, mild smut

I grab his hands as the memories are flooding into me. The memories are so beautiful and I guess I’ll never regret leaving my house to live with him. I shiver a bit because of the air conditioner. I take my green sweater from the couch and put it on myself before I sit back beside him. This green sweater is Jaejoongie’s birthday gift for me in my 22th birthday. He said he made it by himself for a month and threathened me to take care of it. I never forget the shimmers in his pretty doe-like eyes when he saw me wearing it. He said I look handsome with green. Oh, how I would sacrifice anything to have him wake up and look at me with those shimmers again.


We were watching movies in our living room. His body stuck with me as he wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulders while I was playing with his raven locks and I was thinking about our future. I was in the deep thoughts when I felt his warm breath tickled my neck and soon I realized that he didn’t pay attention to the movie at all.

“Yunnie...” he whined. His eyes looked up to me.

“Hm?” was the only I said as I looked back to him.


“Kiss me.” Then I leaned down to peck his plump lips. When I pulled away, I could see his disappointed expression. I knew Jaejoongie never satisfied if I only gave him a peck. His lips pouted cutely. I couldn’t help but chuckle. He was already tempting me with those sinful lips of him, did he know that?

“Kiss me a bit longer,” he asked me as his eyes were pleading with puppy eyes. He smiled against my lips as I captured his lips once again. He knew that I couldn’t resist him. Our lips lingered on each other longer that I’ve thought and of course none of us wanted to pull away. Our tongue dancing in a sweet battle. He didn’t want to lose to me but he did like always. I sneaked my tongue inside his sweet cavern and tasted ever inches of it. I licked the insides of his cheeks and bit his tongue slightly. He breathed out a breathless moan. I always loved how Jaejoongie’s tastes like. There were some vanilla and something special that only Jaejoongie had. I ran down my tongue along to his neck. He tilted his head to give me more access. I licked it and sucked it hard when he moaned on my ear. It’s the most beautiful melodious I’ve ever heard aside his laugh.

“Aaahhh... Y-yun...” he moaned wantonly. His hands started to sneak into my t-shirt and his fingers caressed my abs as I left another marks on his now exposed shoulders. We both too drawn in pool of pleasures when I realized we already naked. We never came this far before. I was still a virgin back then and I knew Jaejoongie was too as well. I stared at his flawless naked body, sprawled wide open for me to do anything. He grabbed his buttcheeks and spreaded it apart as he offered me his dark pink entrance; a channel to our heaven. I’m too amused by his naughty actions and didn’t really do anything. I snapped out to reality when he whined me to continue.

“Are you sure about this Jaejoongie? We can stop if you—“ but he shutted me with a kiss.

“No. I want this. Make love to me...” He said with a voice of lust. I just nodded my head. He spreaded his legs more as he welcoming me. His hand caressed his stiff member while the other rubbed his own perked nipple. His body shivered as he pleasured himself. Argh, he was so hot and tempting. I felt my member became more stiff and hard. I slid one finger which already coated with his saliva into his puckered enterance. He whimpered in pain so I used my free hand to pump his hard member. I slid one more finger and did a scissor motion inside him until I felt his walls loosened a bit.

“Enough, Yun. Do me now,” Jaejoongie became more bold with his word and I couldn’t help but surprised. Where was the shy Jaejoongie I know? Not that was a bad thing tough. I love how naughty and hot Jaejoongie was now. He brought his both legs to his chest and wrapped his arms around me and started kissing me again. I positioned my hard-impatient member on his hole. I entered slowly. I felt like in a heaven of pleasure as his muscles squeezed my thick member.


I open my eyes when I heard Jaejoongie groaned in pain. He shut his eyes tightly and his expression showed a lot of pain and that’s when I realized that I caused him like that.

“Jaejoongie, really—“

“No, I want this...” he whimpered. I pushed his bangs aside and kissed his lips passionately, hope it could endure the pain.

Moments later, he started to buck his hips upwards and wrapped his slender legs around my waist. I knew that he’s signaling me to start. So I pulled almost of my members outside only to push it again. He gasped. I started to thrust him in slow pace so I wouldn’t hurt him even though my own desire wanted to take him hard and fast.

“F-fasteerrr, Yun... nnghh... fasterr.. mmhh..” he moaned as we found our pace. I thrusted faster into him as he thrusted back at me. His buttcheeks met my balls making slapping sounds. The sound of cracking from the bed, skin slapping, I almost couldn’t hear them all. All I could hear was his moaning my name as well as I only see my Jaejoongie moaned in pleasure beneath me. Sweating, but still beautiful with lust filled his hungry body.

“T-there Yun!... Unngghhh... there! Yesss... ah, ah, ah, ah..” he moaned loudly like a bitch in heat when I hit his sweet spot, his prostate. I never knew Jaejoongie could moaned this loud. I quickened my pace and thrusted deeper.

“Y-yunnie... yunhh..nnggh...” he rolled his eyes up as I threw my head back. This sentation was overwhelming. I watched my cock appeared-disappeared in his throbbing hole as I moved inside him, hitting his sweet spot like a jackhammer.

“Joongie, I’m--...”

“Ah.. Unnghh, Y-yun...”

A few thrusts more, I spilled my warm seeds inside him, coated his inner walls as he spilled his on our stomach and chest. At a mere second, I could see stars filled my sight. I threw my exhausted body onto him as we gasped and panted for air. On our still connected body, our chest met and I could feel his heart beating in harmony against mine, whispering of silent ‘I love yous’.

“I love you too,” I answered him.

end of flasback

I smile bitterly as I remember our first night together. That’s the most beautiful night in my life, no matter how much I had made love to him until now, it’s still the most beautiful. The door is flungly opened, and I see someone that I never expect.

“C-Changmin?” my eyes widen in suprise as I stare at my little brother. He has grown up to such a handsome young man. He’s even taller than me, his hyung.

“Hyung, finally I found you,” he walks to me and hugs me tightly. I rub his back lovingly. He’s crying, I know. “I miss you so much,”

“I know, dongsaeng. I miss you too,” I said to him. I lead him to sit on the couch.

“Hyung, mom is sick now. She wants you to come home,” he wipes his tears with his sleeves. The mature Changmin now, is crying like a child. “She always calls your name everyday. She misses you so much,” Changmin’s eyes plead. I feel a pang in my heart and guilty rushes in me. My mom is sick now and she expects me to come but I never—never... I love my mom so much as I love my self. And I look at him, at my wife that is still unconcious on the bed. I can’t leave him too. How if he breathe his last breath while I’m at my parents’ home? I love him more than I love my self. More than everything in this world. I hang down my head. I hate my self for not being a good son.

“I can’t, Min. You’ve seen him,” I take a glance at Jaejoongie and he follows my gaze. “How can I leave him?”

“H-hyung... what happened?” Changmin stutters. “Since you gone away, you never contact us. We couldn’t find your place and your number. What happened to him?”

I take a deep sigh.

“He can’t live any longer, Min. He’s dying...” my lips tremble and I can see his eyes wide open.


With my savings, we married in France. He was so beautiful wearing a white dress suit. No one accompanied us. No family, no friend. There’s just the two of us.

And the priest started to talk, “Do you, Jung Yunho accept Kim Jaejoong as your wife, in health and sickness, through hardships and difficulties, loving and cherishing him until die separate the both of you?”

I stared deeply at his dark beautiful orbs. His eyes were glistening with tears but none of them seemed spill out yet. He looked back at me with so much love that I knew it’s forever. We captivated each other, even we didn’t bother to look at the priest. We’re drawn to each other.

“I do,”

“Do you, Kim Jaejoong accept Jung Yunho as your husband, in health and sickness, through hardships and difficulties, loving and cherishing him until die separate the both of you?”

“I do,” and that’s when the first tears came out from his beautiful eyes.

Our marriage life was beautiful. Jaejoongie was the most understanding person. He always wanted to make me smile and happy. Although I wasn’t rich anymore, but he’d never protest. He always tried to be a perfect wife for me. He took care of me. I felt so much guilty that I couldn’t buy anything expensive for him like a good husband used to do for his lovely wife but once again, he didn’t protest. He said he never expected anything from me. Just me beside him, and that’s enough. So I spent all of my savings (thank God, my dad didn’t block me from my bank account) to build a little restaurant near our apartment. And thanks to my best buddy, Yoochun, who was still rich as he was back then. He helped us a lot to running our restaurant. After a few months, our restaurant got a lot of progress and I was so happy that finally I could buy my wife something expensive.

We were cuddling with each other on our bed when he asked me something that made me confused.

“Yunnie, how if someday one of us die? How if I die?” he said. I could felt his lips moving on my neck since he buried his face on the crook of my neck. He loved to do it. Because I love your scent he said when I asked him about that.

“What are you thinking?” sometimes I didn’t understand the way he was thinking. It’s so different with other people. He really was one of a kind.

“Nothing. Yunnie, answer me, will you still love me?”

“No, I won’t love you,” I answered right away. He pouted. “Because I’ll also die if you die, do you know that, Jaejoongie?” he smiled and nodded slowly. He kissed my neck.

“Don’t ever stop loving me. Even if I told you to do so, don’t ever stop. If I ever leaving you someday, don’t stop loving me because the time you stop, I will die. I will die, Yunnie, without you..” his warm breath lingering on my neck.

“Of course, Jaejoongie. I will never stop,” I kissed the top of his head.

end of flashback

Changmin hugs me, more tight than ever. He’s trying to give me strength because he knows me too well. He knows I’m not okay even when I pretend.

“Min, please come home,” I say when we pulled away. He looks at me with a confused look. “Mom needs you now. I will never come back until he recovers,”

My brother smiles bitterly. “I wish it’ll be soon,” he stands up from the couch. “I’ll tell them that I haven’t find you yet. After all these years you’re gone, they’ll believe,” then we hug for the last time. “Please take care of him and send my love to him, hyung,” I nod and he walks out the door. I sit back on the chair beside Jaejoongie’s bed. Although I know that sat on the couch is much more comfortable but I don’t want to sit there. Because they are too far from his bed. So I sit on this very uncomfortable chair and feel my back becomes stiff. I stretch my arms and ache my back.

“Ouch,” I wince. Then I lean my head on my palm as I caress his pale skin with my fingers. I know it’s silly, but Jaejoongie usually does this everytime he wakes me up in the morning. He’ll kiss me and count until ten until I wake up. I used to wake up when his counting reaches five. So I lean down to him and place my lips atop on his and move them a bit. Then I pull away and start counting.

“1... 2... 3...” Jaejoongie, you always make me wake up with this. I wish you too...

“4... 5...” wake up, Joongie, wake up..

“6... 7...” you, silly Jaejoongie, don’t you hear me? Wake up now!

“8... 9...” I throw my self on the bed and bury my self in my palms.

“10...” and he still not wake up. 


I realized he quite changed recently. He coughed more often than before and he easily got tired. But everytime I asked him, he always answered with ‘I’m okay’ and I couldn’t help it but tried to believe him. I believe he’d tell me if something happen.  

We were in the middle of dinner when he coughed. 

“Are you okay?” I put the chopsticks on the table and approached him. He nodded while still coughing. His right hand hold my hand tightly when the other hand covered his mouth. And then he started coughing like crazy. I was about to give him water when he rushed to the water sink. The coughing slowly stopped and he quickly washed his hands and mouth. I walked to him and gave him a glare. 

“You’re really sick,” 

“Maybe,” he walked back to the dining table and I followed after him. “But I know it’s just a cold or something. The weather’s changing often,” he casually grabbed his spoon and ate again. 

Months passed and after a year, I had just realized how thin my wife’s body was. He sure had lost a lot of weight. I slipped my hands around his small waist. He was cooking for our dinner and I just came home tired from restaurant. Our little restaurant became a big one in past years, thanks to my bussines ability. So I always came home with a fatigue body and exhausted. But he always there to cheer me up. I pulled his body to me and I could feel his bones everywhere.  

“Baby, are you on diet?” I asked. I rest my chin on his shoulders while he’s still cooking. But he never bothered by that. He said he always glad if I accompanied him cooking like this. 

But he just chuckled. “Why did you ask that?” 

“Because you don’t have to. I don’t care if you’re fat, you’re still beautiful anyway. I just love you the way you are,” I kissed his shoulders and smelled his sweet fragrance. It’s vanilla, like I love it. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop,” he smiled to me and went back to his cooking. Not knowing that I knew he just lied. 

I was at our restaurant that day when Junsu suddenly called me.  He was at our apartment to spending time with my wife. I searched my vibrating phone and finally found it in my jacket on the chair. I pushed the green button. 


“Yunho! J-Jaejoong...” Junsu stuttered. What the heck had happen? 

“Calm down, Junsu. Tell me what happen?” I tried to remain calm. Junsu always easily got panic. Like the last time, he called me and stuttered like crazy just because Jaejoongie unintentionally locked himself in the bathroom. 

“J-Jaejoong... he...”  

“Damn, Junsu. Just tell me what happen!” okay, maybe Jaejoongie was more than locked himself. 

“He collapsed! I don’t now what happen—“ but before Junsu finished his words, I’d hung up the phone and drove to our apartment. I rushed in and saw Junsu held my unconscious wife’s body on his lap. 


I glanced at my wife who was still in the deep sleep then I examined at the doctor’s face in front of me. He was frowning and there’s a bit of uneasiness on him. Why? 

“Mr. Jung, do you know how long your wife is like this?” he fixed his black rimmed glasses as he asked me. How long? I asked myself. 

“I don’t know, doc. He seemed alright,” I thought the doctor would explain to me that he was just too exhausted and give me some medicine like usual. But I was wrong. 

“He’s just too exhausted, right? Or maybe cold...” I tried to reassure myself but the hope was gone when the doctor shook his head briefly. 

“I’m afraid there’s something more. Mr. Jung,” 


“Tell me everything you know about his condition these days,” 

“Well, he seemed a bit sick actually but he said it wasn’t a problem and it’s just a mere cold. He coughes more often and easily get tired. But he said it was because our bussines has been bigger. He never tells me anything, he’s just—“ and that’s when the word I’d just said hit me. Jaejoongie never told me is condition... I shifted my position on the chair I felt the uneasiness in me had became bigger. I didn’t know why, I just didn’t want hear anything about my wife’s condition anymore. My Jaejoongie was fucking healthy for the God’s sake. 

“Did he lose his weight?” he looked at me. I shifted again on my chair and realized that I was playing with my fingers, a habit when I was nervous. 

“Is there any relation with my wife’s sickness?” 

“Of course. I need to know it to correct my assumptions,” 

“Actually yes, he lost his weight a lot,” now my palm started sweating. “What happened to my wife, doctor?” 

“From what I got when I checked his body and from your explanations, I’m afraid that your wife has lung cancer and it has reached the crucial stage,” the doctor said. I just stared at him because for some reason, I couldn’t process about what he’d said. Lung cancer? Jaejoongie had lung cancer? No fucking way. 

“You must be kidding me,” I pulled away and shook my head harshly. I hope he just only joked with me and then said, ‘April Fool!’ but no way he would say that. He was a professional and this was October not April, for God’s sake! 

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jung,” he calmly said. And that moment, I felt my life crumpled down.  Then I approached my wife. I pushed some bangs to the side and leaned down to kiss his forehead. His eyes fluttered open and I smiled. 

“Yunnie...” his voice was hoarsed and I felt like breaking to hear it. 

“Yes, baby, I’m here...” I gently answered and held his hand. 

“What happened to me?” 

“You just fainted. It’s okay, Joongie baby,” I stroke his hair. He nodded silently.  

We reached home after the doctor gave me some medicine. He said the ill couldn’t be recovered again and because we’re too late go to doctor and the cancer had eaten almost of Jaejoongie’s body cells so he just could gave medicines to decrease the pain. I drove our way to home and still couldn’t believe that Jaejoongie was dying. Why he never told me before? 

I tucked him to our bed to give him more rest. From that time, I’d promised myself to protect my wife and nurse him. I would never let him die. No, not now or then as long as he was in my arms. Jaejoongie looked so vulnerable when he’s lying there on the bed. And I couldn’t help but hated myself. How could I never realized it before? Your own wife was dying and you just realized it now after doctor shoved it to your face! Damn you, Jung Yunho. I wrapped his body into mine, told him silently that I always be here beside him. 

“Yunnie, I want to go to the bathroom,” he pulled away. I held his arms and followed him. “No Yunnie, the bathroom is only 5 metres away. I can go there by myself,” he smiled. 

“Okay. Tell me if you need something,” I shrugged my shoulders and lied again on the bed. I could hear the water’s sound poured out from the sink. Maybe Jaejoongie was just washing his hands or face but then I could hear him coughed again. I stormed in to the bathroom imediatelly and then I saw a view that made my heart breaking into millions pieces. 

His right hand was liften up and I could see blood on his palm. I switched my gaze to his lips that was stained with the same red liquid. His coughing blood. 

Jaejoongie looked startled to see me first and he tried to hide his hand and washed it on the sink. But I quickly grabbed his hand and stopped him.  

“Don’t hide it. I already know about it,” I said to him. My voice was trembled picturing my breaking self. 

“How?” his eyes looked down to the floor.  

“The doctor said it to me,” I looked at him but he seemed avoiding my gaze. And I couldn’t hold it anymore as the tears spilled out from my eyes. 

“Why’d you never tell me before?” as he heard my sobs, he lifted up his head. And he was already crying. His eyes were red and glistening with tears. 

“I-I’m sorry, Yunnie. I didn’t mean to... please forgive me,” his eyes pleaded as more tears flew down. 

“Of course I forgive you, baby-ah... but why?” 

“I didn’t want to make you worry... you already exhausted from work to keep us live and I don’t want to add more burden with my illness...” he cried even harder. “And I was afraid that you would leave me if you know it,” he rubbed the tears in his eyes as he was crying hard like a little kid. The sight would be cute if we both didn’t know that one of us would leave soon. 

“Pabo, Jaejoongie... Pabo,” I pulled him closer to my embrace as I wrapped my arms around his thin body. I kissed his teary eyes and looked at him lovingly. “Why would I want to leave you?” I smiled. As a dedicated husband as I was, I put his hands under the water sink as I washed his palms from his own blood. Then I cleaned his lips with a wet towel. He’s just staring at me while I did that things. Didn’t even move his eyes away for a second. 

“Yunnie, why do you still want to be with me?” he suddenly asked. 

“Because you’re my wife and I’m your husband,” I said while I still concetrating at cleaning his lips. 

“But I’ll die soon,” 

“Listen to me, Jaejoongie,” I put the towel aside and held his both upper arms. “You’re not going to die soon. I’ll do anything all I can to keep you alive. So please, be strong for us, okay?” then he nodded as the tears were coming again.  

“I love you,” he whispered softly on my ear. 

Months passed, and Jaejoongie’s condition wasn’t getting any better. He couldn’t go outside in a long time. Because if he was too much excited or tired, he would get coughing blood again or even worse, fainted. And that’s totally not good. He kept losing his weights. Slowly, his cheeks sunken and his skin looked paler than the original. He had those dark eyebags under his eyes and it hurt me to see it everyday I came home from work. But at least there’s something that still there. Those beautiful sparks in his eyes everytime he saw me. And every night, I prayed to God to not take them away from me. I spent all of our saving in our four years marriage to keep him alive. We bought all the expensive medicines, went to all the theraphy but everything seemed useless. He’d never get better. Everything had reached the climax when Jaejoongie collapsed again and hasn’t opened his eyes yet until now. 

end of flashback 

I just keep staring at him not even bother to know how long I’ve done it. Then I hear the door slowly opened. Who is it? I ask myself before I see my and Jaejoongie’s two bestfriends. Yoochun wears a long black shirts and rolles its sleeves to the elbows and Junsu wears a simple blue t-shirt with a white cardigan on it. They smile to me as they walk in holding hands. I can see the love spark in their eyes. 

“I thought you’d called me moments ago,” I smile to them. They stand next to beside Jaejoongie’s bed. 

“Yes, but Junsu insisted to come here,” Yoochun said. Junsu pouted. 

“I just miss him. I want him to know how happy I am now because I know it’ll make him happy too...” Junsu stroke Jaejoong’s hand and smile. “He will, won’t he?” 

“Yes, Junsu, he will,” I said and Yoochun pats his shoulders. Then Junsu leans down to whisper on his bestfriend’s ear. 

“Jaejoong-ah, me and Yoochun will be getting married and we’re very happy now. So, when will you wake up and be happy too?” Junsu’s tears are wetting the white bed sheets make its color a little bit darker. Then Yoochun embraces him as Junsu buries his face on Yoochun’s shoulders. 

And that’s when the miracle happens. I see my Jaejoongie’s eyes that have been closed in more than a week slowly opened.

“Yunnie...” he says in a low weak tone. But I feel so happy to hear it again. Yoochun’s and Junsu’s eyes quickly turn to Jaejoong and they seems so amazed as I pressed the help button. Seconds after, the doctor and nurses quickly rush in to the room. They examine Jaejoongie’s condition and check on it.

“Jaejoongie...” I’m so happy to see him concious again. So happy that I feel like going to cry.

“Mr. Jung,” the doctor calls me and gestures me to come with him. He stops near the door and his expression is difficult to read. Why doesn’t he look relieve? “I know you’re so happy because he wakes up from his comatose. I hate to tell this, but don’t let your happiness hovering you. We had checked his condition and there’s no progress except his conciousness. He can falls back to comatose again. Nothing gets any better, Mr. Jung, his condition is as bed as before,” he calmly said. And I begin to hate this person. How could he say that? His conciousness is a progress, right? But I don’t want to ruin my mood because of him so I just frown at him.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Jung,” he says then disappears as he go. Then I quickly run back at my wife and find him smiling weakly at me. So I hug him, not too tight of course but enough to show him my happiness.

“Jaejoongie... finally you wake up, baby..” I kiss his forehead, eyes, nose, cheeks and finally his lips. I stroke him gently. “Miss you so much, baby-ah...”

“Me too, Yunnie... I miss you too,” he smiles sweetly at me.

“I thought you’d never wake up...” I said. And I see a glint of sadness in his eyes when I said that. 

“We’re happy to see you, Jaejoong,” Yoochun said since Junsu seems can’t say anything. He just looks happily at Jaejoong. Jaejoong just smiles then he lifts up his hand to caress my face.

“I’m always afraid... that I can’t see this handsome face any longer...” he weakly said. I lift my hand and hold his hand on my cheeks.

“Jaejoongie, don’t say that again. You’re wake up now,” I grip his hand tighter. But he doesn’t seem listen to me. He traces his slender fingers on my face. He touches my eyebrows then his fingers trails down to my eyes. I close my eyes and can feel the tip of his fingers against my eyelashes. Then he moves his fingers to my nose, tracing my nose then moves to my cheeks and finally he reaches my lips. He places his fingers on my lips longer than to the other. His eyes locks to my lips as he caress them featherly.


“I’m trying... to remember you, Yunnie... I’m afraid... I will forget you... if I die...” his voice trembles and comes difficultly. “Now... I won’t forget you if I die... but... will you, Yunnie?” I can hear a sharp gasp from behind.

“Su-ah...” I hear Yoochun’s deep voice from behind. Oh, so it’s Junsu. I shake my head harshly.

“No, Joongie. You will not gonna die...” I feel a stinging feeling on my nose and I know sooner or later I’ll cry. Why did he say that? He wakes up now and he tells me he gonna die? No way I’ll allow it to happen.

“Yunnie... you know what? When I was in coma... I always heard voices... a familiar voices... I could hear him wishing me to recover soon... told me about everything happened... and when I heard that person humming a song... I knew it’s you...” his eyes looks at me with so much longing I can’t describe. I still hold his hands which are now wet because of my tears. “I... really wanted to comfort you... I heard you’re crying... but I can’t... this body... wouldn’t let me... doing anything...” then he pauses for a second. His brows knitted and eyes scrunched up like he try to endure a strong pain.


I hear Junsu sobs harder. Harder than me actually.

“I know... no matter how I want to recover... it’s still impossible...” and then he closes his eyes tightly as he frowns again. And that time I pray in my heart that I can still hear the constant beating from the machine.

Beep... beep... beep... please, God. Not now...

“Yunnie-ah... don’t cry...” he looks at me softly. He wipes a bid of tears on my cheeks. So I lower my head and sob. He pats my head gently like a mother. Jaejoongie’s heart is so warm and I know I can’t live without that warm heart in my life.

“I-I’m sorry, baby-ah...” I lifts up my head and wipes the tears with my sleeves. “Joongie-ah... please don’t leave me...” I kiss his palm as I chant ‘Please, please, please’ and ‘I love you’ on it. He close his eyes as a tear runs down to his pale cheeks.

“If only I can...” his voice is so weak that makes him sounds like mumble while I continue sobbing. It’s the first time in my life I cry this harder. There’s a moment of comfortable silence after that as we both trying to cherish each other’s presence like there’s no tomorrow. I want to know if there’s really a tomorrow. I hold his hands properly and tightly because I’m afraid they’ll limp lifelessly next second if I don’t.

“Yunnie...” Jaejoongie brakes the silence. “Please sing... for me...” I stare at him with confused look. “That song... that I used to sing...” his eyes plead to me. How can I resist them? I’ll do anything to make him happy. Then I try remembering the song. Which song? Jaejoongie loves to sing, he sings many songs with beautiful voice of his. Then I remember there’s a certain song that he always hums. When he cooks in the kitchen, when he goes to sleep or when he looks at the view outside the car. I know the song because Jaejoongie loves to play it on his iPod. A sad one.



Then I feel someone squeezes my shoulders. I turn my head and realize it’s Yoochun. He nods his head briefly at me like he wants me to approve it. Junsu is still crying and he looks at me with swollen eyes. I turn my head back at Jaejoongie. My wife was looked so vulnerable and fragile. So fragile that even one shrug can make him brakes into pieces. So I clear my throat, hope it won’t crack and start singing.

(Please play Jaejoong’s version of this song when you read this part ^^)

“Barami momun gu shigan jocha...”

and I see him smiles at me.

“Naege nomu mojarangeol...”

my tears are pouring down again.

“Hanbone miso majimak insa... saranghamnida geudael...”

I feel like we both lose on our world. The world that no one’s there except us, and the song exist.

“Shigane jichodo... saranghae apado... gu shigan jocha chuogigo...”

He stares at me and I stare at him solemnly.

“Majimak insa haneyo...”

and I move forward to capture his trembling lips as I continue to sing against it.

“Saranghamnida... saranghamnida...”

I rest my forehead against him and feel the salty liquid slips into my mouth. I don’t even bother to wipe them as I feel Jaejoongie’s tears also wetting my face.

“Fly away... fly away, love...”

I can feel his heart is beating against mine.

“Fly away... fly away, love...”

God, please let this heart beats longer. I silently pray.

“Fly away... fly away, love...”

And I pause. And we cry. I find it so hard for me to sing the last line because it’s sounded like I eventually give up on him. But I know I must sing the last line to have it finished. So I open my mouth to sing the most heartbreaking but also the most beautiful line.

“Naesange dan hanbone saranghan...”

I shift closer and my voice is cracking.


After I’ve finished, we stay like that for a couple of minutes. I pull away as Jaejoongie removes his hand that held my face before.

I don’t know why, but Jaejoongie looks so peaceful after I sang that song. The anxious that had been on his face had gone and change  with a happy, peaceful expression of him. It’s like he is finally in peace because I finally let him go through that song.

“Yunnie... I feel so tired... I want to sleep...” he said as he slowly close his beautiful eyes. No, no, no!! Don’t close your eyes! I can hear Junsu is crying hard again but now together with Yoochun.

“Jaejoongie!” I cry out his name. Please, don’t take him away...

but Jaejoongie’s eyes flutter open again.

“Yunnie... why are you so loud? I just want to sleep...” he looks at me confused.

I thank the God up there. Jaejoongie just wants to have some sleep. So I fix his position on the bed, make his pillow comfortable enough for him and pull the blanket up to his chest.

“Saranghae, Yun...” he whispers softly on my ears when I finished. Then I smile to him and sit back on my chair.

“Nado saranghae, Jaejoongie...” he smiles at me and closes his eyes peacefully.

And that time. The time I feel like world crumbles down on me. When the constant uncomfortable beating change to the long, scratching beeping sound as it is like tearing the air.

Beep... beep... beep...


And the beauty is gone.

Even that time when the wind stays
Its not enough for me.
I smile one more time and give my final greeting:
I love you.
I am tired now and love hurts
But even if that time is just a memory
I have to give my final greeting.
I love you, I love you.
Fly away, Fly away love...
Fly away, Fly away love...
Fly away, Fly away love...
In the afterlife I will greet my love again



A/N: I don’t know if it sad enough.

Is it sad? Is it? Is it?

Comments are loved~....

chapter 1a




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it's was so sad~~
i hate sad ending!!! but i love this story~~~
nice by the way is it the end of it??

This is very sad. Keep writing. Your stories are nice to read.

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